Elisabeth screamed in labor. "Hold through! You'll make it! I can't spot this bitch Zubata anywhere! Press, I can see its head! It's a baby boy, Elizabeth! Elisabeth? Nooooo!" screamed Jakob. His Elisabeth had just died from childbirth. Death, the clever bitch, had hidden herself in the grandfather clock (otherwise she would have been preemptively clobbered to kingdom come by Jakob), and now couldn't resist coming out for her big triumph, bragging. "Klondike Kat always gets his mouse!" she giggled. Which of course was suicidal. "Zubata! I break all your bones! And then I behead you with your own scythe!" Death squealed and turned into her fair maiden form, but this time this was not enough to cool down a fuming Jakob.
"Nooooo! Don't kill my sister! Haven't you ever read the Marvel Cancerverse comics?" Perinbaba snowed in from her heavenly home and joined the screaming. The newborn baby nicely capped off the mayhem. Jakob, in the meantime, had tied Death spread-eagled to Elisabeths deathbed. "Godmother, could you care for the baby for a moment?" Perinbaba (sort of a Slav Demeter, at least in attitude) went to another room and lied the baby to her giant breasts, and at least one screamer shut the fuck up. "Now to you, you braced bitch! Wasn't it enough that you killed my whole family?" "Wasn't me, was an avalanche!" "Wasn't your thirst for blood and sadism curbed by drowning Elizabeths stepmother and daughter in hot pitch?" (Of course, he knew that incident that still gives Shokoshu the jeebies from the all-seeing Perinbaba telling him.) "Yes, I filed an application that those two hyenas would be hung beside me, but what a horrible painful death!" "Liar, liar, it was a freak accident with an upcoming methane bubble and they held their breath for so long that they directly sunk down into hell, where they now must suck devil dick for all eternity!" "Silence! Death shall be impartial! Just! And not playing Final Destination!" "I AM impartial! This is a fairytale and ALL mothers die in childbirth!" "Arrrr...Thank your sister and my inability to hit a girl! But you took the life of my dear Elizabeth, and if a life for life doesn't mean killing you..." Jakob ripped off Deaths clothings. "Aaaah? What are you doing to me?" Death squealed as Jakobs penis mercilessly took her virginity. (Naturally, Death never had sex before and couldn't know firsthand, as anyone she touches dies on the spot. But Perinbaba had made Jakob immortal because she was pissed off by Deaths constant shenanigans. And by the way, if you ask how he manages to get an erection at all in this situation: Men.) "You screwed me all the time, now I screw you! Let's see if becoming a mother will soften you down to feel all the hurt you do to families! RHA-LOVELY!"
A gush of cum flooded Deaths womb and impregnated her on the spot.
"JAKOB!!" screamed Perinbaba, coming to the scene. "Rape is a crime!" And not bringing his female partner to orgasm in a Shokoshu story an even greater one. "Guilty as charged, but I plea temporal insanity! Elizabeth, you are avenged!" Then Jakob broke together over the corpse of his love, crying.
9 months later...
Death would probably have loved to get an abortion, but no such luck. Her powers were null and void against the baby growing in her own womb. She was even forced to keep her maiden form (which she didn't like too much, she said it would make her soft), because an eighty year knocked up old crone is unpractical, to say the least. Her sister was no help at all - killing Jakobs beloved had crossed the line for good, and even the fact that he raped her as revenge didn't faze her. "You brought this onto yourself, sister!" Perinbaba said sharply.
"Curse you, Jakob!" Death whined. "I'm the laughing stock of all anthromorphic personifications! How shall I reap people in this state?" "Pah! Rapunzel had to wander through the woods with wild animals on her ass in this state!" "I gonna...AAAH!...I'm in labor! Someone help me! Sister! Hot water!" Eh, can *somebody* tell me what's the use of this fucking hot water always called for during birth emergencies?
But, as Death stated herself, in a fairytale, all women die in childbirth. With a last swear, she crumbled to dust.
"Oh my god! I killed Death! Me bastard!" exclaimed Jacob, who had Perinbaba's warning still in the ears. "And I have another half-waif to feed!"
Expect the unexpected - in a second, the baby turned into a mature woman with all insignia of Death. "Silly Jakob, do you think it is that easy to kill Death? I got no qualms with you! My mother was a real asshat, say, didn't you call for a Death that is impartial and just? I swear on my life" (she giggled her maiden laugh) "no more cheating. And the first rule I'm going to change is this idiotic death-by-childbirth. As if these fuckwits never invented modern medicine."
Still, Jakob let his head hang low. "Perinbaba! There is nothing I want from this cruel universe anymore! I want to be with my Elizabeth!" "If this is your wish..." "Death, promise me you'll take care of the baby?" "No harm shall come to it!" "Then give me a last kiss, daughter!"
Shokoshu doesn't know where he'll go when Aunt Teleute has her final one night stand with him, but Jakob and Elizabeth were happy together in the afterlife, sitting together with Perinbaba and let it snow. This is a fairytale, I repeat, a fucking fairytale.
"Niece, so you gonna play Godmother Death?" "Yeah, surely, what shall go wrong?"
Well, you can read that directly from the Grimm Brothers, I didn't botch that one up, so don't blame me when there is no happyend...
The End