THE TENTACLE KAMASUTRA

Camera on Announcer. Typical white-coat science guy.
Announcer: "Tentaclesex? Is it really always the same boring stuff?"
Cut on headlines.
Asahi Shimbun: Tentaclesex is always the same boring stuff!
Announcer: "But it doesn't have to be this way!"
"The Association for Interspecies Sex joyfully brings you this little educational program so also you can bring new life in your relationship with tentacle-monsters. So let me first introduce our senseis."
Cut on Mike, the man with the microphone. He uncannily resembles Kermit the Frog.
Mike: "May I introduce Mr. Octopus."
Mr. Octopus is you typical squid. He wears a headband "I (`vī) Ukiyo-E".
Mr. Octopus: "Konnichi-wa. I have worked together with masters like Shunsho and Hokusai and am proud to show our viewers my vast knowledge of erotic finesse."
Mike: "Thank you, Mr. Octopus. Let us now come to Mr. Inju. We are lucky that he has found some time for us, as he is very busy in his job posing for new arcade games."
Mr. Inju is your typical monster. He demonstrates the versatility of his appendages and 'pulls out' pseudopenises and vibrators of all forms, a Swiss army knife, a rocket launcher, a slide rule...
Mr. Inju (explains into the camera): "For calculating orgasm frequency."
Mike thinks Mr. Inju had done enough showing off and cuts back to Announcer.
Announcer: "We have searched high and low for proper female partners for our demonstrations, but a certain well-known problem arose."
Cut into a morgue hall.
Chief: "When are you ready, dammit? The funeral guests are waiting!"
Assistant: "I can't get the lusty smile off her face!"
Cut on victim which evidently enjoyed the casting tests too much. When the camera zooms away, you see her toe-tag twitching. Maybe there is still hope! Cut back.
Announcer: "Luckily we found a goddess which has always been benign to mankind. Let's all take a bow before Demeter, the Greek fertility goddess."
Demeter looks exactly like your notion of Mother Nature.
Mike: "Bona Dea, would you please explain our viewers the trinity stuff or they might get rather confused."
Demeter: "First I should say this trinity concept pre-dates Christianity by millennia. As a Great Mother, I have different aspects of virgin, wife and crone but even if these personalities have their own names and appear at the same time in the further show, they are always me."
Mike: (flashing lightbulb, thought balloon - he adds up parodistic SD versions of Belldandy, Urd and Skuld to get a screaming Keiichi)
Cut back. Announcer welcomes Kore, the 'white' aspect of Demeter. She looks like the young Kim Wilde and wears a white T-shirt saying 'I'm so kawaii!'. Before they can shake hands, there is a yell.
Hecate: "Everybody doooown!"
Everybody gets down. Shortly you can see a broomstick whooshing by, then a big crashing sound from the off. A rather bruised Hecate, the 'red' aspect, arrives on the scene, murmuring something about 'GPS malfunction'. She makes some magic gestures and is complete again. She resembles Vampirella up to the point of copyright infringement.
Hecate: "I resemble what? OK, OK..."
Hecate changes her hair and costume to lessen the similarity, but still is so red hot to give everybody an erection.
After the set is cleaned again, there is a 'Doom! Doom!' knock at the door. In walks a sceleton with scythe, hourglass and lots of luggage. Mike squeals and jumps into the arms of Hecate. Mr. Octopus squeals and jumps into the tentacles of Mr. Inju.
Persephone: 'Sorry it took so long, the traffic was hell! Haven't even got time to cloth properly. Oh, I'm Persephone, Queen of Underworld, but friends call me Phony!'
Demeters 'black' aspect opens a box, donning a human body over her skeleton. She immediately looks better, but still deadly. Imagine a much less babe-ish DC 'Death' or the like.
Some greetings and idle chatting, then the command sounds: Light! Camera! And...Action!

Position 9. The 3x3 Orifices.
Announcer: "Required are three women and one tentaclemonster. This is a beginners position. The monster fucks the women in any orifice he likes. Firstly, the women cry for help, later they can enjoy some additional sixty-nine oral fun."
Hecate (protesting): "Whaddayamean, cry for help, I love this!"
Announcer: "Well, an interview with hentai fans gave that 98,76543% enjoy raping fantasies. It's a prevalent notion..."
Hecate (angry): "Well, I want to see the guy that dares to rape me! Instant frog!"
Announcer (desperate): "Just do them the favor and act!"
Hecate (not convincing): "Help. Help. Mmmmmpf."
The Announcer has given Mr. Octopus a gesture to cut the discussion short and begin with the show. Mr. Inju has pulled out his slide-rule and is grinning over every maw on the result. The obvious snag is that three goddesses have exactly one more orifice than an octopus has tentacles, and as aspects of the same person, they are always envious of each other. They pester Mr. Octopus until he gets depressive and leaves the scene. Mr. Inju has to take over. Satisfied squeals. (Kore is hardly hearable and holds still enjoying quietly. Hecate makes a ruckus and plays rodeo. Persephone begins to glow.)
Cut on Mr. Octopus on a psychiatric couch.
Mr. Octopus: "Professor Freud, I'm suffering from tentacle envy!"
He gets analyzed and comes back to the set.

Position 08-15. The Tug-Of-War.
Announcer: "Required are one woman and two tentaclemonsters. This is more for the endurant woman. The monsters pull from each side..."
Mr. Octopus, Mr. Inju (unisono): "Mine! No, mine! Tentacles off!"
Announcer: "...when finally the woman succumbs to..."
SKREEETCH!
Bummer. Persephone, who played the victim, got ripped in two and her true self falls out. 'My best costume! You idiots!' She clobbers Mr. Inju over his head with her scythe and searchs for a new body in her luggage.

Position 000. The Airhead.
Announcer: Required are one woman and one tentaclemonster. This isn't all to sexual and thus is a good position for a first formal acquaintance."
Mr. Inju: "Kore, please hold still..."
...he inserts a tentacle into her left ear...
Kore: "Hihi, that tickles!"
...which comes out of the other ear. Mr. Inju unfolds a Japanese flag and waves for the camera.
Kore: "Now waitaminnit...are you making blond jokes with me...I'll teach you!"
Kore grabs a Hammer of Revenge from Mr. Injus tool section and makes him call for another Aspirin.

Position 3_1+. The Gordian.
Announcer: "Required are one woman and two tentacle monsters. The woman is shackled to a pole or otherwise inconvenienced. (whispered) Hecate, show some more action this time! The two monsters are tied together with their tentacles randomly. First one getting unknotted gets the prize."
Mr. Octopus, Mr. Inju (struggling wildly): "No, that's my tentacle, idiot! Don't pull so fast!"
Mr. Octopus finally manages to get free and enjoys himself with Hecate.
Hecate: "That was about fucking time!"
Mr. Inju, however, has a technical problem.
Mr. Inju: "Heeeeeelp! My jackhammer got stuck in my rocket launcher!"
Persephone (swinging her scythe): "Hold still, this just takes a second..."
Mr. Inju: "Noooooo!"
Swissssssh!
Thanks to the amazing self-healing powers of Mr. Inju, he only needs two Aspirins after this incident.

Position 3. The Shell Game.
Announcer: "This position requires three women and two monsters. Monster 1 will hide some small object in one woman."
Mr. Inju pulls a clam out of his many appendages. The clam looks around with periscope eyes, spots Mr. Octopus, squeals and bangs the shell shut. Mr. Inju places the clam into the vagina of the giggling Kore, then grabs all three goddesses and mixes them thoroughly. Shift, Shove, Swap!
Mr. Inju (stage magician tone): "Everybody look closely! The tentacle is faster than the eye..."
Announcer: "Monster 2 will now go for the search."
Mr. Octopus, armed with fork, spoon, vinegar, salt etc. thinks this is easy. He immediately inserts a tentacle in Kore and goes clam-hunting. 'Now you must be in somewhere...' No such luck. He doubles his efforts, but to no avail (except that Kore has one orgasm after the other, of course).
Mr. Inju: "Neener, neener, you lose!"
Mr. Inju pulls the clam out of Hecate. The clam shows Mr. Octopus the finger. How often Mr. Inju repeats the trick, Mr. Octopus always loses.
Mr. Octopus: "You cheated!"
Mr. Inju: "Am not!"
Mr. Octopus: "Am too!"
Mr. Inju: "Am not!"
Mr. Octopus: "Am too!"
Mr. Octopus should have listened closely to what Demeter said, then he would understand how the trick works. Anyway, he is ticked off and temporarily leaves the set to buy himself a fishburger.

Position 10. The Bowling.
Announcer: "Required are eleven women and one or more monsters. Since we haven't that much women (we couldn't talk any other Olympian goddess in to it), we can only show the principle."
Mr. Inju pumps loads and loads of cum into Persephone until she has swollen to approximately spherical size. Mr. Octopus fixes Kore and Hecate as pins.
Mr. Inju (with an expert three-orifices-grab): "Gangway!"
Persephone rolls over the floor, just touching Kores ass and crashing into the decoration. (Another new body and a lot of towels are needed.) Kore topspins into Hecate, both are landing on the floor.
Mr. Inju: "Striiiiike!"

Position 69. The Lick-A-Thon.
Announcer: "Oh, looks like Kore and Hecate having a catfight again. This is a wonderful opportunity for showing this special position, which requires two women, monsters are optional but recommended."
In a strategic moment, Mr. Inju ties up Kore and Hecate in a 69 position.
Announcer: "Whoever dies from multiple orgasm first, loses. Of course our goddesses are immortal, so we instead take who passes out first."
Kore and Hecate put up a tongue-fight that was never yet seen even in mud-wrestling. Hecate uses her magic tricks to cheat. A 'lust-bomb' 'exploding' in Kores vagina makes her squeak like a mouse, then she rolls her eyes and falls flat to the floor, as close to death as an immortal goddess can get.
Mr. Inju: "Pweeeeeet! Foul play!"
Hecate: "Hey, there are no fouls in oooaaaah!"
Mr. Inju (has leveled Hecate with one of his magic tricks): "Arbiters decision is final!"
Mr. Octopus comes with two buckets of cold water and brings the two goddesses back to consciousness.

Position -1. The Retribution.
Announcer: "This is a rather difficult position requiring at least one woman and one monster. The monsters are held at gunpoint..."
Persephone has secretly lifted Mr. Inju's rocket launcher and now stands behind him and Mr. Octopus.
Persephone: "Freeeeeeze! And I want to see you superconducting!"
Announcer: "The women now get themselves some plastic dildoes and fuck the monsters."
Kore takes Mr. Octopus.
Mr. Octopus: "Ow, ow, my hemorrhoids!"
Hecate has strapped on a whole battery of dildoes and thrusts into Mr. Inju's many maws.
Mr. Inju: "MPFFF! GRGL!"
Announcer: "And this shall end our program today..."
Mr. Inju: "GLMPF!"
Hecate: "You said what?"
Mr. Inju: "I said, Haven't we forgot one important position?"
Mr. Octopus: "Like what owch?"
Mr. Inju: "Like Random Chaos Clusterfuck!"
With a 'Ki-Ai!' he kicks the rocket launcher out of Persephone's hands. It goes off, bringing down the ceiling. After the debris has settled, one can hear cries of lusts from below it, pitching higher and higher until everything is silent again. A skeleton walks into the smoking rests of the studio.
Hades: "Aha, here my wife is hanging around. 'Getting some fresh air', eh? Wait until I've dugged you out, then I'll feed you to Cerberus, bone by single bone!"
Blackout.
Cut to Demeter who is in labor and busy birthing millions of little Injus so that all the human Earth girls can have some fun too.
Demeter: "Remember, always unnng use a condom!"

THE END