Safe Sex
Bravestarr's privat safe stood around
quietly, ignoring all the attention it got lately.
"Goshdarn!" Vipra swore. "What IS the passcode
of this safe? I tried 'Bravestarr', even
'Shaman' and 'Thirty-Thirty', and every
variation of 'Judge J.B. McBride'! Including
birthdays! I never thought I would say that,
but Scuzz, once you were right. Hand me the
dynamite and we execute your plan to blow this
lil bastich to kingdome come. Scuzz? Pressing
the dynamite into my back is not funny. Scuzz?!"
Vipra, alerted by the fact that Scuzz hadn't
celebrated his lung cancer for a minute now,
carefully turned her head. No, what pressed
into her back was the familiar form of Sarah
Jane. A lesbian pick-up she could as well do
without.
"You're looking for a certain vermin? As soon as
he noticed me, he ran for the hills. Of course without
warning you. Had to decide whom to bust. I admit you
are the far prettier sight. And don't stink like the arse
of a dingo. Yee-haa! Vipra, you are under
arrest!"
"Oh, howdy, Thirty-Thirty," Vipra swooned.
"You aren't going to shoot a lady?"
"Ha, as if you conniving cobra are a lady.
But no, I won't shoot you, under the condition
that you don't do something silly, like fumbling
for your Z, which I incidentally nicked,"
Thirty-Thirty grinned up to his ears.
"Relieved to hear that. But what are you
arresting me for, anyway? The safe is still
standing there, innocently. I was just, eh, eh,
testing the safety measurements. Which are
top notch, I assure you. I couldn't guess the
passcode for my life!"
"Yeah, trying to talk yourself out of another
one! Last time I asked, burglary attempt was
punishable too. But we can let the Judge decide..."
"Aw cmon..." Vipra cooed. "Next week is Tex-Hex'
birthday, and he throws a big party, and I
still haven't bought a present, to which the
money in this safe really would have come handy,
and it would hurt him much if I sit in prison...
Can't you let me go with a stern admonition?
Maybe I can bribe you a bit, and I just have
the idea how..."
Vipra's slender right hand had snaked itself
into the trousers of Thirty-Thirty. "Oh my god,
that feels much like Fifty-Ten! Well, if you
ever dreamt of fucking JB..." Thirty-Thirty's
head instantly turned from blue to scarlet.
"...forget it! It will be you going to prison
afterwards, for womanslaughter with a deadly weapon...
in contrast to trying it on a certain snake,
who is VERY stretchable and in addition can hold
her breath for hours..."
Vipras hand caressed selfsame deadly weapon.
Thirty-Thirty couldn't hold himself back any longer.
He ripped down his trousers and rammed his giant
horsecock deeply into Vipra's throat.
"You have the right to remain silent! You have...
an amazing squeezy neck musculature!" "MMMPHGLGL!"
remarked Vipra, probably meaning "As a snake,
I eat my prey as a whole, I have too!" And she
used her vocal cords (technically speaking,
snakes have no vocal cords, save some rare
exceptions, but technically speaking either,
Vipra is no snake, but, well, ehm, a humanoid hottie
with assorted serpentine traits who I'd like
to fuck senseless since I was a young criminal...
OK, back to the story) as a vibrator, a stunt
no human woman ever had perpetrated.
Quickly, she brought Thirty-Thirty over the edge.
"GERONIMO!!!" he boomed. His flaring glans sealed
Vipra's fate and the back direction. A whole litre
of horse cum could only go forward, faster than
even a snake could swallow, and flooded Vipra's
lungs. That went even beyond her no-breathe
abilities, and she passed out.
Or as the old adage goes, crime doesn't pay.
Incidentally, Bravestarr choose exactly this
moment to enter the room and caught Thirty-Thirty
pants down. Literally. "She, eh, tried to resist
arrest," Thirty-Thirty ejaculated rather lamely.
"And you totally hadn't the heart to shoot her
with Sarah Jane and instead shot her with...
ah, bro, don't make such a long face, I myself
had to reanimate JB the one or other time when
'Dick of the Whaaaaale' proved to be too much for her,
nudge nudge wink wink."
And together they pumped one litre of horse cum
out of Vipra's lungs again. At least her no-breathe
abilities let Vipra survive the little incident
with no lasting damage. Guess what, Bravestarr,
always the goodie-two-shoes, donated her a 100$ bill.
For Tex-Hex's birthday present.
Tex-Hex didn't commit a single crime in a whole month
following that, proving that there is something
like honor among criminals.
The E...oh, wait. The passcode. "MINEISLONGER",
all caps. You don't have that from me.
The End