The local pack just partied through Valeries 18th birthday
and was a bit squiffy (the girls) or rat-assed (the boys),
respectively. Nobody knew afterwards who had the idea with the
chicken game first, but peer pressure did the rest.
"OK, hand over a paperclip!" "More light, dummy!" "Isn't the
full moon bright enough?" "Yup, but keep under cover so that
Armstrong won't spot us!" "Duuude, will he need a large
telescope!" "Try this!" The key glid into the lock without
a sound. "Now who knows it best? Nicked from the gov!"
(His father was a CEO of the IRS or something like
that.)
Jen was the first who jumped into the Paternoster. He was
very sportive and did a handstand when he rode upwards from
the cellar again. A very wobbly one with many promilles,
but it impressed the squealing girls.
"Now you, Walter!" Another ape-man produced himself.
"Valerie, you're it!" "I'm...afraid!" she answered with a
fake tremolo. But she wasn't stupid. The joke with the
upside-down cabin was probably as old as the Paternoster
itself. So she went in...but what she didn't foresaw was
Walter hitting the emergency button, capturing her in the
cellar. "Cut that out, nitwit!" her dampened voice came
from below. "The Triffids will come and get you-hu-hu!"
was the answer from above. "Now rev up that dingbat again",
Jen grumbled.
The dingbat was on strike. Destruction is always easier.
And then a well known sound wailed in the far distance.
"Scram! The pigs! When they catch us red-handed, it's
ten years in Walla-Walla!" The clueless youth scattered.
"Hey, you can't leave me alone here! Help! Heeeeelp!"
"Bastards! Fascists! When I'll get out tomorrow, I'll
ratfink your asses!" Valerie clamored. Then she sat down
into a corner of the cabin, pouting.
Wait! Wasn't there a noise? "I'm heeeere! Get me out!"
No, the noise came from...below? And then she could sense
a presence...her hand fumbled through the pitch-black
cabin...and collided with something slimy!
"Yikes!" screamed Valerie.
"Yikes!" screamed the tentacle, or better, his owner.
Valerie leashed out in the direction of the scream and
tried to catch the screamer at his coattail. But as
tentaclemonsters rarely wear coattails, this round ended
as a stalemate. Both opponents squeezed into opposite
corners, and the monster stammered: "You don't hurt me,
I don't hurt you!"
"OK, this jest has turned sour by now. The boys paid you
for this little horror show, right?" Valerie growled.
She couldn't stand jokers with plastic tentacles.
"Yes, yes," the monster floundered. "I got 1800 today..."
("Happy Birthday to you", Valerie answered mechanically)
and of legal age by that. And now I have to..." The
monster stopped. "What?" "I'm afraid to say. Will you
clobber me?" "Bombs away! Now!" "...rape you." "Of all
the nerve..." Valerie swore. She still thought that this
was a trick that went to far.
The monster started to sob.
"All my elder brothers bring me up because I don't like
Japanese comics. They say, if I don't coil my tentacles
around an earthling babe, I never become a man. But that's
so...pervert!" Valerie could only nod. "But I only love
Inja with the delicate green skin and the bowl-sized
suction cups! But my brothers say if I woo her...als
a male virgin...and my tentacles are much too short..."
Valerie, in the mean time, produced a lighter from her
jeans and switched it on. Over the way sat either the
worst FX since Dracula vs. Frankenstein...or a life-size
monster. She decided to take the strange reality as
granted, and sighed. Boys were so stooopid...independent
of the species. Somehow, she pitied him. "You, eh..."
"Inji. I'm Inji." "Inji, just gimme five, with that
tentacles." Hesitatingly, the monster did. "Well, I don't
think that they are too short..." "Really?" "And anyway,
it isn't the size, it's what you do with them..."
"Ripping the clothes off? Bondage?" "No, you nincompoop!
Your brothers were talking crap all time! If you like
to impress Inja, how about caressing? Gently suckling!
Hey, could you help me unlinking my bra..." Valerie
dropped her sweatshirt, and Inji unpacked her goodies,
showing confusion in all of his ten eyes. "What is it
/now/?" "Well, don't all Earthling woman have melons,
bigger than..." "Short version: NO!" Inji very carefully
spiraled a tentacle around a wart. "You, eh..."
"Valerie." "Valerie, why don't you writhe in extacy?"
"Ooh, someone call 555-PEST-EX on your stupid brothers!
Do you still believe street wisdom? I think it's
time for a radical demonstration." She undressed
completely. "So, you know what this is?" "I'm not
/totally/ inept, we had this on monster school",
an offended Inji griped. "Clit. Treat with utmost care
or the victim dies from multiple orgasm." "Now where
did you get THAT one? Barbarella? C'mon, try your best.
I'll intonate Joan Baez in the meantime to prove you
that women are no robots with built-in lust buttons!"
"We shall overcommmmme, we shall ooooovercome some day
Oh deep in my heart...yes, deeper, deeper, I do believe
We sha-a-a-ll overcome some dayyyyyyy!"
Valerie did a last scream of extacy, rolled her eyes
and went limp.
"Valerie? Valerie, say something! Oh shit, just as I grew
accustomed to her! I /did/ warn her, right? Earthlings
go to pieces at the slightest strain..."
EPILOG 1
NEWS AT ELEVEN! In the lift of the LA IRS building the corpse
of the eighteen year old Valerie D. was found. The LAPD
already busted the notorious hippies Jen S. and Walter U.
who obdurately lie that they have anything to do with
the case. Fry them commie bastards! (Exclusive footage p.2)
EPILOG 2
"Where am I? What's happening to me? Aaargh!" "In brevis:
astral plane, dead, you'll inure. May I introduce myself -
Inma, father of Inji." Valerie made eyes at the strange
body opposite her and neither couldn't familiarize with
his long white beard which looked out of place at a
tentacle monster, nor could decide /which/ of her thirty
eyes she should throw at him. In lack of understanding,
she made a pun: "Shouldn't you be Inpa, then?" "Please
no name jokes", said Inma, and raised the brow of the
third eye in slight indignation. "The Inma are a dignified
ancient monster family, and you should be honored to hear
that my son hereby makes a formal proposal of marriage.
Didn't have the guts to come himself, the sissy."
Valerie scratched her head with a tentacle. "This all
comes as a total surprise..." "As I said, you'll adapt
yourself. I didn't write the cosmic laws that say any
Earthling woman dying from a super orgasm during sex
with a tentaclemonster, becomes one herself. Something
with orgon energy, look it up in the Necronomicon. Or
whereever. Not my problem, already feared the wimp would
turn out to be a poofter, this way he gets his girl
after all. Just see all the advantages of being a
tentaclemonster. Right, Inanna?" Inma screamed across the
ecliptic. "Oh yessssss!" an exasperated voice moaned from
somewhere. "Come baaack, Tentakins!" "So make up your mind
fast, if my wife doesn't get her hundred orgasms a day,
she gets uneven!" "Snookums!" "Yeah, yeah."
Well, I should add that Valerie accepted after a long
thought and Inji made her a proud Mother of a Thousand
Young Ones, but slowly the plot gets totally hokum and it's
better
The End