Sid's Birthday Surprise
It's my party, and I cry if I want to. And yes, I do have a birthday, I may be a bit older than you, but people like us are being born too. Not that I'd care. People have called me names, but Party Guy surely wasn't among them. (Neither Sid, by the way, but I don't want to spoil the punchline.)
But when your brother calls, the all-powerful bastard, because it's a "very round birthday, you HAVE to come even if you hate it" it's unfortunately an offer you can't refuse. I make myself on my way up, grudgingly, and enter his palace. The birthday cake towers the room as if it were the Ida Mountains. The whole family is there. No, make that half of the whole family, because the girls hadn't been invited. No wonder, knowing my brother, it would be THAT kind of party. I am a bit thankful about that, because my sister probably still wants to halve me with her double axe. For marrying her daughter. And my other sister probably wants to kill my brother. For the party-to-be. And also generically. As she is his wife and wants that horndog only for herself.
You surely observed that a) our family is a bit dysfunctional and b) prone to inbreeding. Whether b) is the cause of a) was subject of much folk debate (as long as none of us was eavesdropping), but frankly, it's none of your business, and I digress.
So, Bro probably locked away his Cow-Eyes in a janitors closet with an anvil at her feet to be on the safe side. You're a lucky sod if you are all-powerful. Last time I saw my niece (ehm, niece? Half-niece? Double-niece? Aw sod it) Owl-Eyes she was busy reading the International Journal of Oncology and she surely won't put it down for the next week. My other niece at the moment probably just runs around in the forests below slaughtering poor fluffy animals who can swallow you with one bite, so there was no need to invite them out anyway. Oh, I just remember I have another sister. She never leaves the hearth and we all tend to simply forget her existence all the time. Sorry, sis.
My little nephew is just giving an a cappella version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on his lyre to mock me. "A denial! A denial! A denial!" the whole Greek chorus seconds him with breaking voices. Still, this is so silly that I can't hide a smirk on my face. Out, damn smirk. And then the wine is slaughtered. I never drink...wine.
Predictably, after two glasses my all-undignified brother begins to argue with my other brother about who fucked more women. Sorry, dude, in this fight you lose by a pubic hair's breadth! He now retracts on the "what is known" position. Lamer move.
And then it's the climax of the party. The most beautiful woman in the universe jumps out of the cake, and my penis betrays me. It's somewhat forgivable since even the most chaste monk could ring the bells with his erection after this sight, but I always was faithful to my wife, and want to keep it that way. Shortly I wonder why neither of my brothers ever fucked her. On a "what is known" basis, that is. I mean, just because she is married to that crippled nephew of mine...Who is just on cue beginning a fistfight with yet another nephew, who cared to fuck her on a "got caught in flagranti" basis. Still, you lucky bugger. Wait, did I just hear a "This means War!!"? Now I really can't suppress a guffaw. I better leave this party before my reputation is in shatters. I fetch my present, whatever useless shit that might be, and look back. Nobody seems to miss me. Good. The Oh God of Hangovers will have much work tomorrow, if applying.
And then I make my way down, down, down to my wife. Who never cheated on me either, cross my heart and hope to die. Yes, I say it freely and without shame, we are a pair of goodie two shoes, don't drink, don't smoke, don't screw around with nymphs in the groves, sue me and send the file to myself. My job is being a judge, guy, and constantly being responsible to a-matter-of-life-and-death verdicts needs someone who is neutral. Uncorruptible. On a high pedestal.
My faithful doggie jumps at me as I return to my realm. "Good doggie!" I smile and pat his heads. Here, have a bone! Have the whole skeleton! "Sephybaby!" I call. Now that's odd. Here is my veggie cake she baked for me, not as large as the other, less Cool Whip, but baked with love. I pick a pomegrenade and chew absent-mindedly, pondering. I hope noone has abducted her?
Sorry, that was a *really* gruesome joke. Better don't die laughing. I begin to search the surroundings everywhere. It's a large place where I reside. River of Forgetfulness? Nope. Mountain of Melancolia? Neither. I even visit the High Security Prison where only really bad fingers reside, like fuckers who kill their own son and try to serve it to us as an evening snack. As if anyone wouldn't notice. Oh, right, my sis didn't notice. The one who wants to kill me. Not the others.
Surprise, surprise, the fucker still is there (our security is top-notch) and praises my wife in the highest tones for giving him a pomegranade too because it's my birthday. Sephybaby, you are always too soft. No, he doesn't know where she is. I kick him in the balls so he can praise her in the highest voice too. That was mean. Bite me.
I return to my own small home. I really begin to worry now. But there, did I hear a muffled help cry from my sleeping room? Silly me, I admit I should have checked there first.
And there she lies, tied to the bed, naked and spread-eagled, with a big gag in her mouth. Oh, I recall that thingamajig straight from the lab of my crippled nephew. He showed it to me and asked if I had some use for it, too. It stops all screaming when applied to a woman, but when you press your penis against it, a flap opens and you can bury it deep in the throat of your unwilling partner. Bet he made his for his own wife. Waved it off since my Sephybaby is always very willing.
I still don't know how she managed to shackle herself. Maybe a new feature from my nephews patented shackles. Or the dog helped her? Any damned soul who helped her otherwise would be a damned soul in no time. Isn't it sweet? Of course she tried to free herself when I wasn't arriving, but she couldn't, which is the whole fucking point of patented shackles.
Speaking of fucking, she even erected, ha ha, two big signs pointing to her elysiums. "Enter at will, darling!" In the meantime, my erection must now be able to reach her voice lips. Let's try it out!
Yes, what I feel now must be the embrace of her voice lips. I bend over and torment her clit with my tongue. And guess what, my birthday present, which I took away on the party without much hope, was a vibrator from the lab of my nephew. A paper accompanied it, "You think vaginal stimulation does not mean much to women? Think again! The Etna 3000 XXL comes in three modes, YEEES, OH GOOOD, and Death by Snu Snu!" Big words. I insert it into her pussy...no, make that she greedily sucks it into her unfathomable depths. In Death by Snu Snu mode, naturally, I had always the opinion it's the woman who shall enjoy sex most. She writhes under me. Yes, looks like she is dying now. She tries to scream and her voice lips act like a vibrator on me. Could also be due to the fact that she doesn't get any air, but I have to analyze that later because it feels so good that I now I CUUUUUUUMMM!
Her lungs are filling with cum. She drowns in cum. She twitches a few times and then lies still, dead.
I honk the nipples on her 40DD breasts I always adored so much, it's a perk of all fertility goddesses. "Persephone! Cut it out! You are a goddess and can't die! Or are already dead! Or whatthefuckever! And I want to enjoy your pussy too, without you playing a corpse!" "Darling, you know how I like to die from sex. Fingers off the shackles, it's your birthday, today you can do with me anything you want! Preferring stuff that kills me!" she says. My Persephone, her necrophile kink can be somewhat disturbing but we are a pair made for eternity. I try out some very sick stuff I found on the Internet, containing vore and blobs and monsters and other stuff making your blood curl. (Obviously, selfsame monsters have been thought up to inflict maximal pain on their poor victims. Of course, I change that to unbearable lust. I shortly wonder if the perpetrators are graaaand^100child of that fucker Tantalos.) My Sephybaby screams and dies orgasming and orgasms dying until I'm at my limits too. Which even the Lord of the Dead has.
Yeah, in the mean time you should have guessed it. If you read "Sid" backwards (hey, vampires do that shtick all the time), it's "Dis". My byname. Still no idea? Try the more familiar "Hades". Yeah, you saw that shitty Disney film too, didya? What a ham. Admittedly, I didn't ordered my yet other nephew Hermes to sue them because if any dead soul would enter here, it would become Hell. The more I scare off, the better. Yes, Hell is our competition and highly crowded. And as I said, fiery torture is strictly for the really sick fuckers, so until you haven't pissed off Zeus himself or done the one or other genocide, you should be safe. Bleak, granted, but no torture.
Which now brings us to the 1000 drachme question, how did you three sisters end here in the first place, at the same time? I rarely get new residents nowadays, people just don't believe in us anymore...
Oh, you tried out a herd of horses and when you all came at the same time (including the stallions), they jerked forward and impaled you hearts? Way to go, I say. I hope you have left footage on the Internet for a Darwin award, my wife will be most interested! You like to do what? That I shackle you and let Cerberus rape you? Yes, that would be technically possible as he is a three-header. By Zeus, you are worse pervs than my Seph. Here you go, it's my birthday. Now look at the fillies orgasming, I thought only Zeus has the hang on bestiality. My, my, he can learn from you. Well, I'll be...Now they even locked Cerberus' knots in their vaginas. Gals, you can't be having fun all the day long, he's supposed to guard the entries! Bad doggie! No second round! NO, for fucks sake! I won't do an amoeba job on you all and Seph included!! Didn't you pay attention? I'm faithful, Seph is faithful...whatchasay, Seph, you wouldn't object to a deadly lesbian fivesome on my birthday? OK, OK, but ONLY because it's my birthday. After that, it's bleak, I say! Bleak!
The End