Legion Headquarters, 16.00
"OK, let me sum it up concisely. Due to the interference of the..."
"Screwupians..."
"...there has been an uprising of renegade..."
"Pink Lanterns..."
"...which are on a destruction spree through the whole
multiverse, but they haven't realized yet their power is lost upon the color..."
"Blue..."
"...where there naturally enters..."
"You..."
"...me, and I have to fight them..."
"Nude..."
"...because otherwise the Renegade Pink Lanterns have a target
to attack...uh, Imra, do you know hows this sounds?"
"Yes, Shady?"
"Like an underground comic writer on a mixture of crack and
Viagra, shortly before they carried him away to Arkham.
Oh, surely, me alone and nude against an army of Renegade
Pink Lanterns and their Polka Dot Henchmen. Clobbering them
to death with a pair of blue marlins. AIAIAI! KA!"
Tasmia threw herself into a Dragon Ball pose.
"The multiverse is on the brink of destruction, so cut your sarcasm.
You can wear shades. And we are already looking for some
backup forces."
"The 2nd Cavallery Smurf Battalion, I suppose."
"Don't ridicule the Smurfs. Since decades they hold out against
an evil sorcerer ten times their size."
"Oh, I'm sooo scared...OWCH!" Shadow Lass jumped around
on one foot.
"See, you didn't even noticed her. May I introduce,
Dark Smurfette[tm]!" A tiny blue figure with too much make-up
and a big blue hammer sticked out her tongue.
"Arrrgh! If I get you, I stomp you with the toenail you just
ruined!" Tasmia chased the Smurfette through the Legion
Conference room without even getting close to her.
"Huff! Puff! I swear..."
"Cut it out, Shady! Don't intimidate our few allies, it was
hard enough to convince Papa Smurf to give her the potion
that turned her back slightly into the direction of the
Really Evil Smurfette[also tm] as which Gargamel created her.
I hope she got her point across, the last thing we need are
catfights in our row. Stay put while we continue our roll
call."
Legion Headquarters, 19.00
"Because of the futuristic weapons of our opponent, I added
some experts from the SF area. Meet Talas and Zhaan."
"How cute, a blue Pinkie! Maybe Talok VIII was an Andorian
colony some thousand years ago?" "And Papa Smurf was your
grandfather!" In a split second, Talas and Tasmia were at
each other, and they would have probably scratched their
eyes if Zhaan wouldn't have taken both of them in a
half-nelson, one left and one right. Her grip was like a liana.
"Let's follow the way of peace, sisters", she purred in a soothing
tone. "Or do you prefer I screw off your hotheads?"
"What temperaments!" Talas coughed stertorously.
"Sure the Delvians had some Andorian ancestors either?"
"I'm a plant, fleshie. Now frell off, the both of you, before I
sprout some vines and tie you up as Xmas presents!"
"Imra, have you told our guests the snag with...uhm..."
"It's a sacrifice I freely do for Andoria. Those pink
lanterns, that sounds like some interesting technology
to steal...eh, I meant, to learn from." "Ah, snarfing
is all you can think of? It sounds more, eh, radiating."
Zhaan licked her lips in anticipation of the impending
megaphotogasm.
Legion Headquarters, 22.00
"Mystique and Demona?? Imra, did you have telepathic
contact with the Joker too long? Those two are baddies!
Villians! Evil! They will backstab us at the first moment!"
"Kill! Kill! Kill you all! But first the others. Sounds fun",
screamed Demona, who had one of
her more saner moments, while Mystique hissed:
"Pot calling the kettle blue, eh? Remember some certain
Mrs. Nyx, eh?" Cf. "Blackout"
Tasmias blue complexion
blushed ultramarine while Mystique continued:
"I'm as interested as anybody in fighting some loons
who want to take the ultimate power. After all,
that belongs to me rightfully...ooopsie!"
"We care about that problem later!" Saturn Girl
stated firmly. "Shady, what, the snag..."
Mystique giggled. "My, my, are you Legionnaires prudish.
I had my first film feature and was playing in the nude
practically..." "And I'm not ashamed to show my perfect
gargoyle body to everyone...if only Goliath would take
a look at these DD breasts..." "Look more like pebbles
to me", murmured Shadow Lass, sordidly not pianissimo
enough for Demonas sharp ears.
This time a full ten minutes were needed to separate
all opponents.
Legion Headquarters, 02.00
"Imra, why aren't we off yet? (Yawn)"
"Because it always needs seven. The Seven Samurai,
the Seven Desperados..." "The Seven Dwarfs...OWCH!
My other big toe!" Tasmia went breakdancing again.
"Ah, the teleport is buzzing. Here comes our secret
weapon." The secret weapon stepped out and Tasmia
stopped jumping around to roll on the floor in laughter.
Her laughter stopped short when a long trunk curled
around her neck and began to strangle her.
"I'b Elise Aabdvadk, add I don't thidk we have beed
pbopebly idtboduced yet!" "Elisa? Kill! Kill!"
It took a quarter of an hour (Talas had to find the
phaser in her handbag) to stop the ruckus. Luckily,
blue bruises on blue skin are hardly visible.
"Fine! Now that everybody has calmed down again, will
you now save your stamina for the Pink Lanterns?
Pleeeease!" Imra was short before a nervous breakdown.
Inju VI, 06.00
The army of Pink Lanterns were gathering in rank and
file. "Today this universe, tomorrow...ah, there
comes our enemy. Wonder what took them so long.
OK, everybody: In darkest night the Lanterns Pink -
raise all hell and make a stink...This is our enemy?
Seven nekkid babes?" The fearless leader of the
renegades was squirming on the earth, guffawing
helplessly.
"OK, we have a reputation to lose, so
let's gangbang them first and conquer the multiverse
later. Charlie, you can take the small one for yourself,
with that tiny weenie of yours." The forces of evil
roared, with the exception of Charlie, who found it
somewhat less funny.
"OK, engage Tentacle Mode!"
Pink light lashed out on the Babe Force, just to
bounce off effectlessly on their blue skins.
And then Demona arrived and began a massacre.
Too bad the Lanterns relied on their light alone
and hadn't brought some backup bazooka or the like,
now the were being slaughtered one by one. It would
have been over but then the suddenly the sun went up
and turned Demona into a human Pinkie. "Phew, that
was a close shave. Invent something against the rest
of them while I enjoy myself with her. No, that is
my leader privilege. Vamoose!"
The Lanterns soon realized that their remaining
opponents were not bad in fight either. Zhaan
was an ex-killer, Talas knew Andorian Kung-Fu,
Mystique turned into a blue dinosaur, Shadow Lass
was nearly invisible, Dark Smurfette distracted
everybody with her hammer attack, and Elise ran
around with a blue ACME handy and ordered an
endless stream of blue ACME contraptions. Those
were only distractions either (ACME doesn't sell
deadly items) but it sufficed to keep the Lanterns
off intelligent thoughts. Like, using their light
to lift some heavy objects and let them fall down
on their opponents. (It's hard to get good henchmen
nowadays. All intelligent ones have already become
evil overlords.)
The Renegade Lanterns had a few strokes of luck in the
battle (Zhaan soon collected the fallen lanterns
to construct some Eternal Photogasm Device - after
that she was too busy to participate; Mystique forgot
to take off her silly deadhead emblem which wasn't
blue and got a knockout blow) but all in all, their
rows were soon down to a handful. Their leader was
still busy ("Mmmh, I love exploring your pink")
when he suddenly had an Evil Genius Flash.
"They are all pink inside! Quickly, direct all
attacks on their orifices!" The evil proxy which
was only half-stupid tested this on the unconscious
Mystique. Slowly, she regained her senses only to
fall back exhausedly in a series of orgasms.
The battle ensued anew. Soon Talas lied helplessly
on her back with twitching antennae, while a
pulsating tentacle of light in her vagina brought
her to ecstacy. Smurfette was the next to fall.
A tentacle gagged her mouth while another one
deflorated her. And even Tasmia couldn't hide
forever. Deeply it squirmed inside her sugar walls.
"Nooo! Don't bring her to..." the leader screamed,
but it was too late. An orgasming Shady was a
super-powerful Shady, and not intending to become
Nyx again, she threw all her shadow powers into a round
house which felled the rest of the Lanterns, except for the
leader who took cover under Zhaan and Demona,
and Charlie who wasn't small only dick-wise.
"So there, so I have more babes for me alone.
I take Demona, Mystique, Tasmia, Zhaan AND Talas,
Charlie, don't pout, Smurfette is large enough
for you, I think this is a square deal. OK, we
just have to take care of that last fighter.
Neener, neener, that anvil missed me. Now it's
time to explore your deeps!" Tentacles lashed
out, only... "Now what did you expect, I'm from
Frelengverse, always in the nude but
no private parts...oh, you tby to edteb by sdout?
Too lodg fob you!" She took an ACME blue rolling pin
and clobbered the leader to kingdom come.
"So it's just you and me. Oh, and you can take off
your silly disguise, Charlie."
"Damn! How did you know?"
"You smell too tasty. Too ant-like. Haven't had even
the decency to use an alias."
"Pah! It will end like always. The laws of
Frelengverse..."
Elise kicked Charlie into his crown jewels.
He yelped. "The laws of Frelengverse were
overstepped by you at the latest when you grew a dick
to rape Smurfette. Now you will pay!" Elises
snout produced a hurricane, and this time there
was no plumber's helper handy to cork her.
The fearless reader should call himself lucky
that the story spares the yucky details of Charlie
finding a gruesome end in Elises stomach.
Elise picked up the cellular again. "Here is Trunk 1.
Calling Green Lobe. All quiet here. Except some
lust cries from the girls. You can send in the
mop-up commando. Yes, everything went exactly as
you computed. And the ant tasted phenomenal!"
The End