The guide sign said "Abandoned subway tunnel -
Villain Hideout enter here! ->". Pantha had another
giggle flash. "Holy Shock Ovulation, Batman! I give
that jerk a -2 on a 1 to 10 scale for style." "Shut up
and look out for death traps." "What, a rabid wind up
mouse, maybe? I should smother him to death between
my DD breasts so he has at least one lucky day in his
life."
And then a barrage of Jupiter lamps, neon signs
and other lighting doodads went off. A giant blinking
arrow pointed to The Troper, who let out a second-rate
villain laugh. "I have you now, my pretties." ("Yes,
we have you now!" seconded his trusty henchman
Cliche Lad, but as usual, noone cared for him.)
"Arrgh! You asshole! My eyes were dark-adapted!
I claw out yours for that!" Pantha blindly pounced
onto the direction of the sound and overlooked the
strategically placed banana peel. Due to a 1:1000000
chance of bad luck, she made a somersault, flew backwards through the air and Pantha's and Vampirella's pretty heads collided head-on.
"Double K.O. in the first round! Now what shall a villain
do with two helpless gorgeous ladies? Ah, I've got it!
RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil! Bet they couldn't do that
in comics! Mwuhahahaha!" (His laugh degraded to
third-rate. "Oh yes, evil is a special kind of rape!"
seconded Cliche Lad. It's hard to find good personal.)
Vampirella and Pantha awoke with a royal headache.
"I told you so", Vampirella said, but it came out as
"MMPFFMMPFF" due to a special gag designed for safely
orally raping vampiresses. (Or, for that matter,
shapeshifting werepantheresses. A MrXBrand[tm] product,
please email for availability, the stuff sells like the
proverbial hotcakes.) The lovelies found themselves
stripped naked (not that it made that much difference to
their normal outfit) and tied to the railroad tracks of
the abandoned subway tunnel. And already the honking
and blinking of doom came from darkness. "MMPFFMMPFF!"
screamed Pantha, probably meaning "I'm too young to
die!" (OK, she's a few thousand years old, like Vampi,
but everyone hangs on her nine lives.)
The train came nearer and nearer and...
"MPF?" "MPF?" Vampirella and Pantha mpfed unisono.
Two mini toy subways were approaching on the tracks.
"Aw c'mon", The Troper smirked. "Necrophilia is
not my fetish. The 69 to Cuntville, right on time.
End of ride, please deboard all. And I thought that
*abandoned* subway tunnel gave you a hint." ("Yes, the
city council cancelled the Line 69 when it always fell
victim to collateral damage of superhero battles and
they had no money to rebuild it on a weekly basis!"
seconded Cliche Lad. Possibly he had a second secret
identity as Exposition Kid, but you probably don't
give a fuck anyway and are longing for the porn to be
continued.)
"MPH!" "MPH!" Vampirella and Pantha gasped as the
toys entered the final station and began to squirm
with 1000 mph. (Also a MrXBrand[tm] product. Want to
vibe a superheroine into orgasmic submission?
The 'Subway' will bring her an unforgettable defeat.
Offer void for SJW.)
"I heard that the vagina isn't that responsive to
stimulation..." The Troper lectured, immediately
being declared Fake News by the muffled screams of our
heroines which also luckily cut short Cliche Lad's
incoming lecture about the American scientists who
found out that the clitoral area is much larger than
previously thought, thank God. ("Thank God" as in
"thank God that he STFUed", not as in "Thank God that
the clitoral area is much larger...although that's
a good thing either if you think of it.) The Troper bent
over to the helpless Vampirella and began to lick
selfsame clit. "Guess you'll like it, at least the all
villainesses of my club say my tongue is a natural.
I think it's time for my reward now."
He pulled out a dick that would have made a green
unicorn even greener with envy, and cut off a last
"MPHAAAA!" by Vampirella. (Good that she can hold
her breath for very long, as you can infer from
Warren #...oh, I shall go on with the porn.)
You surely know that women have two pairs of labiae to pleasure man, but a special woman like Liliths daughter
can also do it with the third in her throat, a feat your
girlfriend probably won't have to offer. The Troper
was very pleased when the vibe was payed back on him.
In the meantime, since noone really seemed to pay
any attention to him, Cliche Lad tried the same
routine on Pantha, giving him an angry "MPHRRRR!"
which translated as "You call that a penis? I'm
not even out of breath! And you're supposed to
lick me a bit higher!" Luckily for him, he didn't
understand the first part (understanding mphese
is seldomly taught on villain schools), unluckily
for Pantha, neither the second.
Just when Vampirella came in a supergasm, The Troper shot an estimated liter of jizz into her lungs, which would have drowned a normal woman but cf. Warren...OK, I STFU too. And also Cliche Lad spurted into Panthas throat. She seemed really unsatisfied.
There was a tiny flaw in the otherwise brilliant
plan of The Troper. He really had thought everything
through, beginning from the shackles that bound
Vampirella and Pantha (not standard MrXBrand[tm]
Shackles For Superheroines, but reinforced
MrXBrand[tm] De Luxe Shackles For Superheroines,
since Vampirella in bloodlust has ripped out the
one or other chain straight out of the wall, cf.
Warren #...eh, I forgot, Cliche Lad surely can tell)
to the choice of location (noone with a brain
ever went there - the collateral, remember?). But just
when he pulled the vibrator out of Vampirellas pulsating
pussy and replaced it with his still humonguously
erected dick (Cliche Lad tried the same, but he
already went completely limp, which got him an
angry snarl from Pantha), he was brutally cockblocked.
(OK, that gag was stolen from the Harry Dresden series.)
A cop rookie (name: Huey Redman, occupation:
genre blind), led by the guide sign (also remember it?)
and too dumb for reverse psychology, had stumbled
into the hideout and cocked his gun, pointing it
menacingly at a surprised The Troper.
"You're under arrest for rape! Unless this is all
a wacky consentual cosplay party..." ("MMPHMM!"
nodded Pantha) "...in which case you still are
under arrest for illegal trespassing! And I already
dropped the charge of public indecendency for lack
of public! You have the right to..."
"I give up! I give up!" Cliche Lad whined and
threw himself to the feet of the cop. "And may I add
that the Miranda thingie gets always misrepresented
in media..." "STFU!" Redman interjected. "If you want
to be useful, open the ties of the lasses!" Cliche Lad obliged, and then he was forced to use that ties
to tie up The Troper. (Not quite straight from the cop
book but with 2:1 down and no reinforcement at the moment,
you must improvise.) "Cliche Lad, you're fired!" The Troper
fumed when the Shackles For Superheroines were misused
on him. Pantha purred: "Can I pay bailment for this
handsome henchboy?" Meanwhile also Vampirella had come
to some senses again and hissed: "If I wouldn't be so
weak from 239 multiple orgasms I'd rip your heart
out, The Troper, like I did with this asshole on Warren
#...no, it's too gruesome! And then I'd personally fetch
you out of hell and kill you again!" "Young lady, there
is a law against assault!" warned Redman. "And one
against battery, good that those vibrators were
powered by the subway conductor rail!" giggled Pantha.
And then finally the police car that Redman hailed
for reinforcement arrived. The reinforcement really,
REALLY enjoyed the sight. It was long protocol.
"Vampirella, did you really have to hypnotize the
cops to forget the whole incident?" "Whatchathink?
My boobs aren't in the public domain, you know!
And Pantha, you gave Cliche Lad your address?"
"Aw c'mon, when he gets out of prison someone
HAS to teach him how to give good head to a girl!"
"When he gets out of prison, he IS a girl!"
And with such friendly banter, they vanished into
the dark alley. Where a pack of unlucky werewolves
thought they found some easy prey, but that's entirely
another story.
The End