"This is the automatic answering machine of Vampirella.
I'm out for lunch for a few hours.
You can leave a message.
If you want to donate blood, press 0, A, B or AB, respectively.
If you are a fanboy and want to adore me, press 1.
If you have a supernatural problem that the Ghostbusters can't deal with, press 2.
For all merchandising-related issues, press $.
If you are from the Legion and the world is at the brink of destruction again,
BUG OFF!"
Click.
"Vampiiii! This is urgent and desperate!"
Telepathic help-calls from the Legion of Superheroes are a nuisance, given that
you're not even remotely a member. Speaking of members, they are especially
a nuisance when they hit you in such an ugly moment that you end up with a
cumshot in your tonsils and your partner with two new-fangled pee-holes in his
member.
Vampirella called the emergency medics, donned her costume and packed in
her favorite dildo "Centaur 2001". Imra would have to pay. After the world
was safe again, of course.
"OK, what is it this time? Lab mice on a world domination spree?"
"This is no laughing matter! So there is this ugly super-duper-powered-up
pseudo-neanderthal called Weltuntergang..."
"A German. With a silly name. My day is made..."
"No, actually he's technically not a German, he refers to himself just as
grunt grunt, but Doomsday and Armageddon were taken,
Ragnarök is too literate and..."
"Spare me the details. So you naturally tried Senseless Violence first..."
"...and he mopped up the floor with Supie. We called in the Lanterns,
the JLA and even the Substitute Heroes just to see all our men clobbered
from Expendible Lad to Sergeant Kitchen Sink. Hey, you objecting to violence?"
"Intelligent violence is my trademark." "We tried that too. Don't laugh!
We sent an email to Darkseid and Galactus that someone is rivalling their status
as Prime Baddie..."
"Galactus? You called even another universe? Egad, you must have been very desperate.
So how ended your delving in intelligent violence?"
Vampirella carved some extra large apostrophs into the air.
"It made him really pissed." Imri silently pointed to two big
ash-heaps left and right.
"OK, and now you need someone with an IQ of over 80 to clear up the mess."
"And fast! There he is coming again!"
And there he came again, each step a major earthquake, since he had demolished
everything in earshot and returned for demolishing it twice, just to be on the safe side.
"Uhm, have you tried Gratituous Sex?"
"We can't do that in..." The now all-female Legion (as reported in issue 1 of
this epic, get all the multiple covers, the men had landed in different
hospitals by now) cried up unisono.
"Your problem. Bye-bye. By the way, I hear a little kitty meowing for help under
that block of debris over there..."
"OK, OK! Cut out the emotional blackmail, we do as you say!"
"Fine. Now he should be close enough to have a good view at us...and, everybody
off with the costumes!"
Tits, Tits, Tits. Roses are red (Katma), violets are blue (Tasmia), in all sizes
(Vampirella having the largest, of course) and every hue. Even the pope couldn't
have resisted.
A large THUD! sound effect followed. Then there was only silence.
"Men." Wonder Woman hissed in disgust.
"I don't believe it." Imra stared. "He just knocked himself out with his own wiener."
"I wonder which poor woman could take such a giant..." whispered Phantom Lass.
"Great Goddess, I haven't seen such a giant since I lambasted some horny centaurs on
my holiday in Greece!" Vampirella giggled, went over to the fallen villain,
fished a steel girder out of the remnants of a house and bent it into a cockring.
"And voila, artificial priapism. Should keep most of his blood from his brain so he won't
make trouble again. And the world is safe again thanks to the one and only Vampirella[tm].
Has someone a camera for the victory photo?" Vampirella set a boot on
Weltuntergang's chest, clinched the dick and looked into the round.
"And now let's throw a lesbian party!"
Hybris leads to downfall. Mostly later, sometimes earlier.
The dick exploded into a giant cumshot, splattering Vampirella with slimy,
sticky goo from head to toe.
While Vampirella was still nonplussed, if not to say nontimesed, the Legion
quickly hit the road. Words like ampersand, percent sign and octothorpe
were too nasty for their tender ears.
"This is the automatic answering machine of Vampirella.
I'm under the shower for the next hours.
You can leave a message.
If you want to donate blood, press 0, A, B or AB, respectively.
If you are a fanboy and want to adore me, press 1.
If you have a supernatural problem that the Ghostbusters can't deal with, press 2.
For all merchandising-related issues, press $.
If you are from the Legion and the world is at the brink of destruction again,
YOU ARE DEAD!"
Click.
The End