Figment, Part 11

The Nice Rack and Nut Lover Show

By Hedonism

Synopsis : Not needed. Just read :)

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It was pouring down with rain, which made Amanda and Nicey glad they had picked long trench coats to hide their bright costumes. They bolted across the street, following the black tire tracks and smell of burning rubber until they came across a big hole in the side of a dilapidated warehouse.

Inside the derelict building, muted light filtered in through the dingy corrugated plastic windows. Against the far wall was the wreckage of the police car responsible for the tire marks and the hole. It had failed in its attempt to make a second one on the opposite side. Just visible near the rooftop were a couple of silhouettes, perched atop the ceiling girders.

The two newcomers walked slowly through the hole in the wall, making pretty good silhouettes themselves. As the light framed them, their faces elongated, their bodies became coated with fur, their ears grew long and sharp. A slow transformation into voracious, vicious werewolves was, in fact, not happening. The tall figure became a deer, of the anthropomorphic persuasion. Meaning, her head became totally animal, yet her expressiveness remained. Her body enlarged a little but remained human shaped, and she grew a little pointed tail.

Following similar lines of transformation, the smaller figure became an immensely huggable red squirrel. The front of the deer's trench coat inflated as if something on her chest was lifting it, while a long shape unraveled behind the squirrels back into a luxurious bushy tail.

Possibly making up for the lack of drama inherent in using a dramatic transformation to end up with cute fluffy creatures, they both discarded their trench coats to reveal tight spandex costumes. The smaller creature, whose stance and appearance practically screamed out 'SIDEKICK' was appropriately out-shadowed by the utter glory of the deer heroine she backed up. Or at least by the utter glory of her breasts. It's quite possible that a man or woman of the appropriate sexual orientation and hormonal level wouldn't have even noticed she had turned into a deer. His or her mind and eyes would have been on other things. Two of them.

"About bloody time you got here!" shouted one of the figures on the ceiling struts. She stood up fearlessly on the girder, to the creak of her tight, black leather costume. She was a white rabbit with a lithe, nearly human female shape that practically demanded she wear that sort of figure-hugging outfit. The other figure was an unremarkable, slim human woman in a pinstripe business suit and a fastidious scowl.

"Give it up, Buxom Bunny!" shouted the deer in a bold tone.

"I'm not an It," said the pinstripe woman indignantly.

"Not you, It. The game. Oh, give her up as well!"

"Now you're here, you can leave, " said buxom. "Or this innocent woman takes the dive. Or the flop. Or the triple pike. Her choice!"

"Well she's not exactly innocent, she's Union," replied Nice Rack the deer. "Poor choice of hostage, tough crap. Drop the snakey when you wanna, I'm still coming up to get you!"

Amanda the squirrel tugged Nicey's costume.

"Whassup, Nut Lover?" she hissed to her sidekick.

"Just 'cos she's one of the snake things, we can't let her go Shop Floor Pizza!"

"Well, she's cranky as well!"

"Don't be a cow!"

"I'm using reverse psychology, dumbass. If the hostage's worthless, why throw her off?"

Nut Lover nodded and her huge eyes shone with respect for her leader's wisdom. She was getting really good at hiding stuff like angry contempt nowadays.

"I heard that!" shouted Buxom Bunny, twitching her long ears. She picked up the woman at her side with ease and hurled her straight at Nice Rack. "Anyway, she _is_ useful as a throwing thing!"

Biting her lip anxiously, the hostage clenched her fist around a little button concealed in her palm. Nice Rack leapt out of the way of her hurtling body.

"Get back underneath me, bitch!" shrieked the woman as Nicey's absence meant she was speeding towards the cement floor. Her mouth was wide open, showing her long fangs. Nut Lover bravely stepped in the way of her fight path. The snakewoman ensured her reverse-velocity harness had slowed her down sufficiently, so that when she flew into Amanda and knocked them both to the floor, neither got any serious injury.

Nice Rack climbed a wall-mounted ladder and shimmied across the girder towards the bunny villain.

"Here we go again. Give it up, Buxom," she snarled. Her outfit was all grubby from the ladder, and there were no reporters, photographers or public to film or go "Ooooh" at her. She wanted to get this over with quickly.

"Give it up or else... what? I have enough strength to ram your legs up your butt!"

Buxom punched a rivet out of a girder crossbeam. The whole structure shuddered.

"Yes, but... Oh, am I gonna have to do it again?"

"Demean yourself? Oh yes," leered Buxom, "that's the fun bit!"

Nicey groaned and frumped up her breasts. This took quite a lot of strength. Buxom stared, her eyes wide, and drool pitter-patted on the dusty strut they stood upon.

"You are now powerless," said Nice Rack, rolling her eyes. "Now get the hell off this thing and we'll take you back to the police..."

"Actually, I was thinking," replied the bunny. "I'm not actually all that powerless. I could instead, for example - "

She stepped intently towards the dynamic deer.

"Force you to have kinky lesbian sex with me, on a girder real high up, right in front of your sidekick..."

There was a sudden series of flashes from the ground and unit of five policemen appeared from nowhere. One took a little pebble-shaped device and threw it to the floor, then hefted his rifle upwards and took aim.

"THIS IS THE COIL UNION! " shouted the unit commander. "LET THE HOSTAGE FREE AND COME DOWN WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"

"Hey! I'm not a f**kin' hostage!" shouted Nice Rack.

"Sorry, Nicey," murmured Buxom dreamily. "Can't stop. Imagine kinky sex in front of all these people... Oh wow that's good!"

The gunman fired a shot. There was an intense flash as Buxom Bunny disappeared from the girder, travelled through extra-dimensional space and reappeared standing over the pebble device. A second policeman fired a taser shot, electrocuting her.

"Owwie..." she said faintly and flopped to the floor.

Nice Rack looked down and shouted, "Do you _see_ this costume? Do you? Who thought I was a hostage?"

Several of the policemen stuck up their hands. So did Amanda.

"WELL, KISS MY FLUFFY ASS!"

* * * * * * * * * *

The policemen put a thick collar around Buxom Bunny and triggered it's teleportation effect. The rabbit dissapeared with a familiar crackle of light and sound.

"Thanks," said the former hostage meaningfully to Amanda. She successfully resisted reaching out to stroke the adorable squirrel's furry head. She didn't manage to get out of her mind the image of transforming and swallowing the delicious looking creature whole.

She turned to Nice Rack. "You know, if you enrolled in our training and got rid of the costumes, you'd make great Union officers. If you wanted to fight crime properly - "

"Thanks," said Nicey abruptly with a huge smile. "But I like the cossies, and we _do_ fight crime properly. Anyways, I heard that if we handled you in the wrong places, we'd get salmonella and stuff." She poked her tongue out. Deer have long tongues.

"We don't have salmonella!" shouted the snakewoman indignantly.

"An' you're all squirmy and horrible! And slimy!"

"Damnit!" shouted the woman and stormed off towards the police van as it pulled up to the hole.

"And you keep looking at me with that hungry expression," said Amanda, shivering a little. She still felt all good and gooey from saving the woman, but a sidekick's gotta provide backup in everything her heroine does, including insult throwing.

* * * * * * * * * *

Governess Roca unlocked Beverly 'Buxom' Bunny's cell, slithered in and organised her thoughts while the rabbit slept. Apart from her god's dictate for his followers to stay in their reptilian form as much as possible and her preference for it anyway, there was another good reason for her to wake Buxom as a Yuan-Ti. Looking at the pin-ups of the rabbit's deer nemesis in assorted revealing positions, plus similar pictures of animals crossed with supermodels downloaded off the Internet, pretty much said why.

Shailay Roca was a giant snake, twenty-four foot long and two foot thick down most of her sandy-coloured body. Her head was larger than that of a normal serpent, about the same size as her human equivalent, but with a long snout. She had four-foot long tentacles that looked like snakes themselves, coming from vague 'shoulders' below her neck. Basically, she was sufficiently non-human enough for Beverly not to spend the whole conversation leering at her and looking at other things beside her face.

"So it went pretty much perfectly," said Buxom in a richly satisfied voice, opening her eyes.

"Yes. I don't think either of them suspected a thing. But you _threw_ me at Nice Rack instead of just pushing me off! I barely had time to slow myself down!"

"Well, come on, you are still a screw!" retorted Buxom. "And it looked pretty good, didn't it! So, in exchange for keeping Nicey busy I get to keep my computer and the pictures, and the _special_ cell?"

"Of course, same as usual. For two months."

"And the satisfaction of getting one over on Nicey again! Yankin' her chain is so cool! I can't believe she hasn't sussed it yet!"

Roca nodded her long reptilian head.

"Debbie Matrix's privileges are running out," continued Buxom. "Let her escape next!"

"I'll think about it."

By Hedonism